You’re Indon When…

Banjarmasin, 9 November 2007

Dapet joke lawas tapi masih garing aja nih, sepertinya joke ini sudah lama beredar, tapi baru sekarang saya ngebacanya. Lumayan buat nyengir, iseng-iseng saya post aja di sini. 

You Know You’re Indonesian When…

Your stomach growls when you don’t eat rice for a day.
You eat fried rice in the morning.
You believe kecap ABC could turn bad cooking to gourmet food.
You talk during a movie.
You don’t think Jim Carrey is funny.
You think Onky Alexander is a hunk.
You think Rhoma Irama is kampungan.
Driving a car that is cheaper than $15,000 embarrasses you.
You think dangdut is stupid, but listen to it anyways, because you are homesick.
You are willing to travel 25 miles to buy tahu and tempe.
You are ‘Dreaming of a WARM Christmas’.
You are very good at avoiding potholes and other road hazards.
Your local McDonald’s serves rice and sambal.
You go to McDonald’s to get your weekly supply of ketchup, salt, pepper and napkins.
You carry a 16 oz. jar of sambal (chilly sauce) to wherever you travel.
You think Supermi is a staple food.
You have ever tried passing a Rp 50 coin as a quarter in a US vending machine/pay phone.
You think bribery is a ‘tip in advance’.
You have ever successfully bribed a police officer.
You have ever successfully bribed a customs officer.
You have your drivers license at the age of 14.
Your drivers license claims you are 5 years older then you really are.
You got it without any driving tests.
You have paid more than $1000 to get your name on your license plate.
You do your shopping in Singapore.
You prefer Versace or Moschino jeans over Gap or Levi’s.
You have ever legally bought pirated software.
You have ever been forced to memorize UUD’45.
You know exactly how many islands Indonesia has.
You know what Pancasila is, what it means and know it by heart.
You have tried every Monday of your youth trying to avoid upacara bendera.
You have ever eaten something sold off a cart on wheels.
The first thing that comes to mind when hearing the word “Jakarta” is “macet”.
Someone you know has ever ridden on top of a train.
Your daily commute includes thinking up new ways to ride the city bus for free.
You don’t mind people being late.
You think standing in line is a waste of time.
You have used a mosquito repellant that looks like a coil and is lit on one end.
You have a can of Baygon on your kitchen table.
You use the terms “Ni yee”, “EGP”, “-lah” and “Ih, jijay” on daily basis.
You complain that movies in America don’t have sub-titles.
Your whole class has ever cheated on a test, and gotten away with it.
You have ever spent the night before an exam looking for someone who sells the questions.
You like the smell of terasi.
You have ever ridden in a motor vehicle with three wheels.
You miss your maid during laundry day.
Your clothing has brand names printed on it that is visible from 50′ away.
You attend weddings only until you are done eating.
You know more than one music group that stole the tune of Cranberries’ “Zombie”.
You fly Garuda just to know the stewardess.
You send your kids to US just to go to school.
You smoke a cigarette that smells like shit.
You have more credit cards than your wallet can handle.
Your friends in the US call you ‘the Indonesian connection’.
You have been to a motel that can ‘hide’ your car.
You use a bucket instead of toilet paper in the bathroom.
You have smuggled electronics and porns into Indonesia.
You realized that money is everything before you were six.
You have a 16′ satellite dish hidden in your backyard.
You have bought something from a barefooted street peddler.
Your daily conversation may include enactments of TV commercials.
You have ever consulted a dukun.
You think the Thomas Cup is equal to the Super Bowl.
You can name a manufacturer of shuttlecocks/ badminton birdies.
You have attended weddings that you are not invited to.
You take advantage of Wal-Mart’s 30 days money-back-guarante e to “borrow” home appliances.
Someone in your family has extra pockets in his outfit to hide cookies from the all-you-can- eat bar.
When watching TV you regularly find that all the channels broadcast the same thing.
You know more than 10 acronyms/abbreviations.
You carry a handphone even to no service areas.
You set the ring tone of your cell phone as loud as possible.
You spend your weekends at an expensive five star hotel near your house.
You have one of those gigantic 5000 watts stereosystem eventhough you can’t turn it as loud as you can since you live in a crowded neighborhood.
Your Toyota Kijang is packed with bull bar, fog lights, roof rail, car alarm, expensive car audio, gold plated emblems, tail light “protector”, racing steering wheels, sportsmuffler, lowered suspension, 17 inch wheels with expensive tires, etc. Yet you find them not gaul enough.
You are able to squeeze 15 passengers in your Toyota Kijang.
If you’re rich, you buy a huge 50.000 dollars imported SUV and demands it to run minimal 12 kilometers with a liter of gas.
You refuse to buy unleaded gas for your imported car even though it costs less than 20 cents a liter.
You are unfamiliar with electric stove.
You are even more unfamiliar with microwave ovens.
If you’re a student, your main purpose in life is to succeed in UMPTN and get into a Universitas Negeri.
If you’ve graduated from college, your main purpose in life is to find an easy job with big salary at a foreign company even if you have to stay unemployed for five years to find one.
If you finally got a job, your main purpose in life is now to get a wife/husband that’s rich, from a “good” family, and the most importantly good looking in order to memperbaiki keturunan.
You work for government to get rich quickly.

Cukup tertohok? Bagian mana yang cocok dengan anda?

PS: “Indon” menurut Nadira artinya “gendong”…